Lonely LEOW

Well, summer is officially over as I lay here in an empty bed before my first day back to work tomorrow. As sucky as it feels, I am so thankful to have been able to spend all summer with my baby boy. I think what I dread most about going back to work is the loneliness that comes with it. Where I just go through the endless motions–hardly seeing my child–and seeing even less of my husband. It crushes me, really. I just always wanted that life where husband and wife rise together, get through the work day together, spend family time together around the dinner table talking about their days, and then melt into bed together at the end of the day, knowing they can breathe a sigh of relief that the day is over and they’re still there together. Realizing I’ll never have that–ever–it’s really been breaking my heart lately. I just want to feel like I have a family, but instead I feel like I have a bunch of puzzle pieces I’m constantly trying to fit together, but that never quite fit. I know there’s nothing I can say or do except grin and bear it for the sake of trying to give my boy a normal life, but I just pray God has different plans in store for us. I don’t know how I can do this forever without eventually breaking down for good. Sorry to be leaving you with a bummer post, but my heart is just heavy tonight.

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One thought on “Lonely LEOW

  1. I have these feelings sometimes as well, and i feel selfish for thinking those thoughts sometimes. We dont have kids yet, I am so ready for them.. but he wants to wait right now, but I wonder how I am going to balance work and being a mommy and trying to explain why daddy is not able to be at every party or tuck them into bed at night, and ontop to that, lying awake worrying about their safety. So much runs through my mind, but youre not alone, and we just have to thank God for our husbands and their job.

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