I was recently talking to one of my close friends about social media and marriage. Our husbands are complete opposites when it comes to social media. Mine is the life of the Snapchat party, and her husband has deleted all of his. She told me that since she and her husband decided together to delete their Facebook and twitter accounts, they haven’t had an argument. She claimed that she doesn’t think it’s a coincidence. I don’t think it is either. My husband has always been the life of the party, both in life and on the internet. He’s witty, comical, and everything entertaining. However, sometimes that means snapchatting an ex a funny memory or following a female cop who posts 90% soft porn on her Instagram. While I try to trust his intentions, it has been more of a problem than not. So, I’m really interested in this idea about spouses who do and don’t have social media. (I recently deleted my Facebook, and I don’t miss it a bit.) Here are some stats and quotes to contemplate.
“A recent survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers found that 81 percent of divorce attorneys have seen an increase in the number of cases using social networking evidence during the past five years. More than 66 percent of those attorneys said the No. 1 site most often used as evidence is Facebook with its 400 million registered users.” (CNN)
“We should add that sharing passwords or, if appropriate, maintaining a shared account can also be a way of building a hedge around your marriage. It’s a strategy for protecting your relationship against outside threats. Whether you’ve been married for thirty days or thirty years, you’re never really immune to the threat of an extra-marital affair.” (Focus on the Family)
“Marriage counselor Terry Real said he believes that Facebook can provide a sort of fantasy for a cheating spouse. “There is nothing more seductive than the ‘one that got away’ fantasy is always better than someone who’s up to her eyeballs in bills and diapers,” he said. The Rev. Cedric Miller, a pastor in New Jersey, made headlines recently when he called Facebook a “portal to infidelity” and told his parishioners to delete their accounts after 20 couples confessed that Facebook led them astray.” (ABC)
“Although the internet and social media can foster intimacy in a marriage, it seems to do more harm than good. Of all the comments I’ve read, 90 percent of the opposite-sex relationships that were damaging to the marriage happened online.” (PBS)
“Eighty-nine percent of the people who admitted to cell phone snooping said that their motivation was to make sure that their partner was not cheating or talking to anyone else in a romantic or sexual way. And sure enough, 48 percent of people said that their snooping did turn up evidence of infidelity.” (Huffington Post)
“Researchers looked at 24,000 married people and how they used 10 different media channels, including Facebook, emails, texts and instant messages. They found that those who communicated with their partner over more channels did not experience greater levels of relationship satisfaction, and some even reported decreased levels of satisfaction. In fact, couples using more than five channels reported a 14 percent drop in marriage satisfaction, according to the Daily Mail.” (Huff Post)
What do you think? Is it better to just stay off of them? Or have you discovered ways to make social media work in your marriage?